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       MONKEY BUSINESS       MONKEY SEE MONKEY DO                                                                         

WORDS TO LIVE BY OR NOT

Why 3 watches?  Paris time, India time and your time.  Hmm, your time is up. Bang Bang Bbuddah Haaga Terra Baap
Would you please leave my testicles alone? Castlevania
your damn floating vampire Jesus... Castlevania
Evil Finds a way. Samurai Jack
I know Kung Fu Matrix
there's a Reason it's called the Dark Ages Kill Ratio
Every apocalypse deserves an after-party The Rezort
I am the emotional jockstrap for the Decker family jewels Lucifer season 2
He's a rapscallion and we don't serve rapscallions. In A Valley of Violence
I'm not paid to believe, I'm paid to fuck shit up. Mutant Chronicles
You had me at Fuck you. Bullet to the Head
We're a little autumnal for pregnancy Longmire
Oh hell no...it's NAZI titties Get Hard
Where were you?  I had to question the mermaids. Nice Guys
You have to piss with the dick you got Hyena Road
You had me at Death Ray. The American Side
I don't want Scottish teeth.  I want fine American teeth Shetland
I'm in the bible if that means anything He Never Died
Why are you keeping the curiosity closet door closed? Stranger Things
So what now?  Revenge. Banshee season 4
You are a stench in the nostrils of honest men. Fort Apache
You are furiously articulate! Standoff
You're a clown and a physician?  I'm a clown physician. Victor Frankenstein
And I want a flat head.  Why? Because I like it! Victor Frankenstein
Don't look at me when you talk.  I have pliers in my forehead, it hurts.  If it heals over the bullet I get migraines. He Never Died
You had me at sewing kit. Crown for Christmas
Welcome to Finland! Big Game
Suck a bag of dicks! Zombeavers
We're looking for beavers.  Hell, we all are honey. Zombeavers
Sorry about your testicle. Vexed
It's some kind of tiny police bear! Paddington
you have more flies swirling around you than a goat's farting asshole. Outcast
Look Fuckstick... Tropic Thunder
You Shot My Fanny Pack! Bad Asses on the Bayou
Where's Nitti?  He's in the car. The Untouchables
anyone every weigh your head? Appointment with Danger
go swallow a germ Appointment with Danger
can the laundry clean this?  Unfortunately sir,  no one is that good John Wick
that is the shittiest bullshit I've ever heard Kundo
Sweet Monkey Jesus Locke
(it begins to rain)  California dew Blue Gardenia
You don't want the posthumous humiliation of being killed with a chair. Parker
Death is on our tail...death is on our tail Transformers
Am I speaking Urdu or something? Cracker
I have pixlecsia Wreck-It Ralph
She has the most tragic back-story every written... Wreck-It Ralph
Emancipate this... Abraham Lincoln vs Zombies
You mean it's a piranhaconda?   I can't believe you just said that... Piranhaconda
The Thompson, my weapon of choice. Bleeding House
My name is Chow Yun Fat, you know what that means...  You come with egg rolls and miso soup Low Down Dirty Shame
You've got some balls coming here.      I'm amazed I can even walk... SAFE
Oh shit!  It's a piggy bank!!! Justified
I'm being beaten up by a guy named Rupert!?!?!? Lock Out
Rambo was a pussy Tango & Cash
This won't come out.  Push it in. When Time Ran Out
Suffer.  Suffer more. Kamui: the Lone Ninja
That ain't no moose nuggets Wyvern
I'm sorry I violated your porthole Six Million Dollar Man
Custer was a pussy.  You ain't. We Were Soldiers
Guess you're gonna have to kill me.      If I do, it's gonna hurt. Last Man Standing
Say good bye to your NAZI balls... Inglorious Basterds
Didn't work huh?  Now it will. says Chuck as he drops suitcase bomb on terrorists Invasion USA
Kill!  Kill them all!  says the 13 to the 200 13 Assassins
I'm going to sleep in your bloody carcass tonight. Hobo with a Shotgun
Do you think Mexican brains are spicy? Aaaaah Zombies!
You have more balls than a Chinese ping pong tournament. Lincoln Lawyer
I never disrobe before a gunfight. Drive Angry
You fucking wife fucker! 44 Inch Chest
Who brings a fart to a shit storm? WHO SAID THIS MEMORABLE LINE?
What's the plan Doc?  Shoot everyone that isn't me. Depth Charge
Mmmm a hard on for a scar, now that's wrong! The Warrior's Way
I'll see you in hell little girl.  Wear something nasty... The Warrior's Way
I don't know where I'll be Doc, but I won't smell too good! Airplane
Your ass is awesome! Predators
I can feel your eyes in my uterus....That's better than in your colon. Machete
Don't answer the phone unless you know it's me.  And don't answer the door unless it's me either. Cutter (Chuck Norris)
Blobby tastes like despair Better Off Ted
You distract him.  What if he's gay?  Then I'll distract him... Piranha 1978
You're humming my balls Outpost
It's time to nut up or shut up! Zombieland
It ain't easy being green Expendables
Fetch me the grub worms Gorky Park
Now you know what I do for a living. I'm not perfect. You should have waited for me, I was worth it. Expendables
Fry and Die Expendables
So what are you?  I'm a Death Retardant Expert. Human Target
Use it or throw it away... Justified
Does this room always have to smell like sulphuric acid? Major and the Minor
She's a few teabags short of a full pot Munch...Criminal Intent SVU
Far as I'm concerned bacon comes from a magical happy place (while standing in a pig slaughter house) John Doe
I never thought I'd be defeated by a cup of tea... Red Cliff
They are you and you are all one.  (WTF does that mean Chuck?) Good Guys Wear Black
Like turning your radio dial to K I L L I Come In Peace
I come in Peace...And you go in pieces I Come In Peace
I Win...Fuck you Spaceman I Come In Peace
Come on Kid, even bad guys have to eat. 3000 Miles to Graceland
Have you come to kill me? Not tonight. Then come in, we have shrimp. I love shrimp. Leverage
I hate snowballs.  The Twinkie thing ain't over Zombieland
We were all orphans in Zombieland Zombieland
It's not just a spaceship, it's a transformer! Spaceballs
We're the guys with the crossbows Daybreakers
Satan's Freight train Omen 2
That sporan you're wearing really digs into me.  I'm not wearing a sporan... I'll Be There
An actor as President? In Like Flint
Billy, you're driving a spork into your leg. Dr. Horrible's Sing A Long Blog
It is Him.  You guys are in so much trouble... Waterworld
I have a headache in my eye. Burn Notice
We got firearms and we got snacks, what more do we need? Burn Notice
Oh great.  Now I have brains splattered all over me. Punisher 2009
He can take a flying leap at a rolling donut on a gravel driveway Jaws in 3D
I do like tater tots Perfect World
Fuck with me and we'll see who shits on the sidewalk Death Race
I'm in the mood for a little vivisection! The Frighteners
Gouge Evil out of its shell In The Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale
What smells dental?  Dental and Nazi.  Great. The Spirit
Do you feel the wood?  snicker...You don't get that with a power tool. NCIS
Dead as Star Trek The Spirit
There's shot to hell, shot to hell and then there's just plain ridiculous. The Spirit
That Was Quick.  Yeah, everybody could shoot! Appaloosa
I'm gonna kill you all kinds of dead. The Spirit
What have we learned?  Shoulder shrug... We learned not to do that again... Burn After Reading
Prepare to suck the cock of karma!!!!!!!!!!!!!  (must be yelled in Korean) Pineapple Express
I'm Done With the Woods. Pineapple Express
The eyes are the nipples of the face. House Bunny
Sounds like you've had a hard life.  Good thing it's over. Condemned
I'm a lead farmer Mother Fucker! Tropic Thunder
A nutless monkey can do your job. Tropic Thunder
Did I panic?  I think not!!! The Mummy
She Speaks Yeti? The Mummy Tomb of the Dragon Emperor
It is ON! Ultraviolet
Holy Camel Toe!!! Beerfest
The hum drum vee is back there... Iron Man
Take this.  It was my mother's lucky machete. Nacho Libre
I just met an angel from Portugal... Phenomenon
Personnel?  That's for assholes!!! Enforcer
No chopped chicken livers! Ace in The Hole (thanks MDB)
By the power of Grey Skull!!! Hot Fuzz
Yeah, and I'm a Chinese jet pilot Army of Darkness
I just want to eat Universal Soldier
Irony can be pretty ironic sometimes Airplane 2
I Don't Trust Anything That Bleeds For 5 Days and Doesn't Die South Park Bigger Longer Uncut
You can't Fuck the Future.  The Future fucks you. Deadwood
...turned inside out and then it exploded! Galaxy Quest
Stay there. Hitman
Jesus Christ Monkey Balls... South Park...Meet The Jeffersons episode
Car's on fire. That can't be a good. Live Free or Die Hard
Boys have a penis and girls have a vagina Kindergarten Cop  (thanks to MDB for the reminder)
Push the button Max! Great Race (thanks to MDB for making us laugh with this one)
You're a lefty, no one understands you...   (oh how true) Martian Child
Candygram for Mr. Mongo! The Rookie  (1990)
Engineered like no other car...(after being blown out a second story window) The Rookie (1990)
You scratch our backs, we'll scratch yours.  Funny thing about my back---it's on my cock! Superbad
Do we really suck or this this guy that good?????????? Shoot 'Em Up
I'm A British nanny and I'm dangerous... Shoot 'Em Up
Excuse me, my pantyhose is riding into the unknown... Tango and Cash
I raised you as my niece, but I love you like a daughter.   Huh? Species: The Awakening
Tea can do a lot of things dear, but it can't raise the dead... Death at a Funeral
...into space a stream of cat atoms... The Fly (1958)
Satan's Camaro is following me! Transformers (2007)
The Feng Shui in this room is terrible... Black Sheep (2007)
Oh, that's not right! Galaxy Quest
We'd be in a shit storm of apocalyptic proportions... Blue Demon
Put the cuckoo back in the clock baby! Four Brothers
I'm gonna kill ya, then I'm gonna fuckin' cook ya, then I'm gonna eat ya. Die Hard   still the best
Honey, your car is in a tree around the corner. Twister
...no more merciful beheadings and call off Christmas!!! Robin Hood Prince of Thieves
Don't do that!  They'll slaughter us to pieces!!!! Voodoo Island
You're floating Man! Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Kill him a lot! Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Sex shouldn't be comfy!!!!!!!!!!! Kinky Boots
Raise the portcullis!!!! Army of Darkness
We are making 2 1/2 feet of tubular sex!!!! Kinky Boots
Jesus Harold Christ on a rubber crutch! Zodiac
Over my leathery butt crack! Jack of All Trades
Just you and me now, Sport. Manhunter
Say ahhh Mother Fucker! Leviathan
Do you think they're having a good time being catatonic in a closet???? Weird Science
Christ in a sidecar!!! Bats
You are my favorite living mystery. Hush ...Hush, Sweet Charlotte
It's The Spores Talking? House  (tv)
Now what? Deep Rising
Why is the Rum always gone?  Oh, that's why... Pirates of the Caribbean Dead Man's Chest
Don't you find me amusing?  No.  Why?  Because you're 80% water. The Wild Wild West (tv)
What did you guys expect?  The Enterprise? Destination Gobi
Don't fuck with the babysitter! Adventures in Babysitting
Holy Jumped Up Jesus Palomino!!! Silver Bullet
Pull the string!  Pull the String!!! Ed Wood  (a personal favorite)
There's a point where bold becomes stupid! Mission Impossible 3
I'll put a bullet so far in your head, your ancestors will feel it. Watchers 3
Just shut up and follow the oranges! Watchers Reborn
That was really sneaky... Ravenous
Get away from her you bitch! Aliens
If you have any pooh, fling it now! Madagascar
I WANT the Pink Mist. Jarhead
For an assassin he's very nice. The Matador
Got any hobbies?    I collect spores, moulds and fungus. Ghostbusters
Is that all you got?! Sin City
There's wrong and there's wrong and then there's this. Sin City
There's nothing like a nice piece of hickory. Pale Rider
If you lose any more (fingers) you'll be scratching your ass with a wooden spoon! Alien Apocalypse
We ain't huntin' him, he's huntin' us. First Blood
Mother, what's wrong with me? The Exorcist
Harry, the clock on the 9 foot nuclear weapon is ticking. Armageddon
This is NOT your room! Turner and Hooch
You're in a puddle of shit and you're wearing the wrong kind of shoes. Bourne Supremacy
Fill your hands you sonuva bitch! True Grit
Get up angel, you look like a Pekingese Big Sleep (1946 and best version)
The Man is nefarious! Raiders of the Lost Ark
WHO SAID:  That's a really big door! Hint: The light cycles are cool  (6/18/06 only one right answer so far)
I'm gonna get medieval on your ass! Pulp Fiction
My father worked several years to extract fuel from potatoes. (Not a line heard everyday) Kill and Kill Again
Bark like a dog for me Caddy Shack
I went to sleep in my shit hole apartment and I woke up here in a real shit hole! Saw
That was incredibly brave and incredibly stupid.  That's quite a combination. Bulletproof Monk
I'm gonna cut your heart out with a spoon!!!!!  Why a spoon?  Because it will hurt more! Robin Hood Prince of Thieves   (gracias Mad Dog)
When I want your opinion I'll beat it out of you. Code of Silence
I decide who lives or dies. Pretender and The Quick and the Dead
What Happened to you?  I got Hammered. Payback
Is It Safe? Marathon Man
It's the first time I've invaded another planet. Something Is Out There
James Bond doesn't have to put up with this shit. Notting Hill
Hold On To Your Butts! Jurassic Park
We're gonna need big fucking guns. Split Second
Mostly. Aliens
La La La! Babe
You thimble-headed gherkin! The Great Race  (compliments to Queen O' Type)
Trust Me.  I know what I'm doing! Sledge Hammer
I just shot him.  The bullets and the fall killed him. Collateral
WHO SAID:  He ate the light! As of 4/16/05  only 2 people have answered this correctly!
You're the disease, I'm the cure Cobra
Are you not entertained?  Is this not why you are here? Gladiator
You gonna do something, or just stand there and bleed? Tombstone
I'm Your Huckleberry Tombstone
How do I look?  My granddaddy was 87 when he died, he looked a darn sight better 3 days dead than you do now! Shoot to Kill
I'll suck his eyes out through his nose! Lethal Weapon 3
Fuck me running through a rolling donut! Watcher
Snakes, why'd it have to be snakes!? Raiders of the Lost Ark
One ping only, Vasily. Hunt For Red October
Would you mind not shooting at the thermonuclear weapons! Broken Arrow
Endeavor to Persevere The Outlaw Josey Wales    (thanks R.H.)
Can I touch it? Wonderland (thanks again R.H.)

I SAW IT  IN THE MOVIE, IT MUST BE TRUE!                                          


You're Next:  Bad brother who hired people to kill his family is killed with a blender to the top of the head.  AWESOME!  Never before seen.
Mind Hunters, Storm of the Century and Vanishing on 7th Avenue both rely on the mystery of Roanoke and the word Croatoan.

Kamui the Lone Ninja: Flying sharks from Shark Island fly over the fishing boats and dismember the fishermen.
Dracula:  Dracula has armadillos for pets
Moonlight:  A Vampire has a large container of salt in his pantry.  Why, because it's good to defeat zombies.
The A Team:  falling from the exploded Hercules aircraft, Hannibal and crew fly the tank using ballistics.  Gotta love it!

1940 Of Mice and Men:  during a dinner scene the men are seated around the table eating BEETS...and enjoying them!
Goldeneye:  at the thrilling conclusion James must save himself by leaping from a small dangling platform that is ready to explode and plummet
onto the
runner of a hovering helicopter.

12 Rounds - when their helicopter blows up John and his wife leap into the rooftop swimming pool of the hotel below them and survive.
Fire Down Below - during a fight at a gas station, gas starts leaking.  A bad guy standing in the gas catches a lighted flare, the fumes don't cause it to explode.  Jack shoots off the flare head and the hot head doesn't ignite the gas either when it falls into it.
Under Siege 2 Dark Territory:  KC Fucking Rybeck leaps from the falling, burning, wrecking train car on the bridge onto the swinging tiny ladder lowered from a helicopter.
Dracula 2000:  Gerard Butler as Dracula has sex with Lucy on the ceiling after levitating them off the bed.
Hard Target -
Chance and Pick are in the middle of a blazing gun battle shooting at each other through windows and they miss.  At least 100 rounds are fired.
Where Eagles Dare -
Burton jumps from a moving swinging cable car hundreds of feet in the air  to the roof of a passing cable car and he has been wounded in the hand.
Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull - Indy escapes a death by nuclear blast by climbing into a lead lined refrigerator and getting tossed out of the blast zone by the ball of fire.  Then he stands up to watch the mushroom cloud. 
Dante's Peak - our intrepid heroes escape the volcano by driving over lava.  The vehicle is on fire, but it doesn't explode.
The Rookie -
Our heroes have to escape an explosion, so they strap into a Mercedes convertible and drive really fast out a second story window.  Then they fall through another building.  But being in the Mercedes saves their lives.
Long Kiss Good Night - don't get us wrong.  We love this movie!  Mitch is tied to a chair on the second floor, Sam and her kid are in the basement getting ready to blow the place up. Mitch goes flying out the window, through the lighted hotel sign and lands on the ground, breaking the chair but not his body.  Sure, he's a little banged up, but he survived...
Shooter - during a wild battle in the fields, our shooter hits a propane tank that blows up into a helicopter causing it to catch fire and then crash and burn.
Robinson Crusoe on Mars - After crash landing on Mars, Kit Draper opens his helmet and breathes Martian air.  Then closes his mask to breathe canned air.  During the whole movie it's breathe Mars air then canned air.  Don't you think you'd die on a planet known to not have your air...
Live Free or Die Hard - Number 4 in the franchise of no nonsense Det. John McClane.  This time he out maneuvers a fighter jet with a big rig and blows it up after leaping on its tail section and dropping bits of concrete bridge onto it's engine.  Don't get us wrong.  We love this movie.  Another thing is driving a police car over a fire hydrant and breaking it off then driving away so the spray of water knocks a bad guy out of a helicopter that's chasing them.
Showdown in Little Tokyo - Detective Kenner lifts a car onto it's side to shield himself and the girl he's rescuing from gunfire.  Then he shoots it and its gas tank blows up providing further cover.
U.S.Marshalls - Mark is running from Gerard and is trapped on a rooftop.  He grabs a cable, swings really far out over the street, lets go, lands on an angled rooftop and then runs and jumps on top of a moving train.
Mindhunters -
LL Cool J trying to avoid electrocution hangs in a doorway and shoots holes in a wall that is even with his line of sight to use as foot holds to get to the breaker room to turn off the electricity.  The bullets have a curved trajectory to make nice holes in the wall.  Also in this movie 2 agents try to shoot each other under water.  The bullets only go so far before dropping to the bottom of the pool.  Then they both put their guns above the water line and wait to see who runs out of air first.  Then when the bad guy surfaces the good guy fires and hits him in the neck.
Goldeneye - Plane goes over the cliff, Bond on a motorcycle goes over the cliff, Bond dives toward the plane, Bond crawls into the plane and pulls it up out of it's steep dive and flies away.
The Cave -
Charlie tries to flee the evil cave dwelling mutant bat men by running along the side of the cliff, cutting her rope and flying across a huge abyss to cling to a precarious perch on the other side. Then she is eaten by the mutant.  Similar to the believable leap in Vertical Limit and Cliffhanger.
On Dangerous Ground -
Steven Segal and Joan Chen leap their horses over an overly large, wide and high gorge to escape murdering mercenaries.
X-Files Fight the Future -
Mulder is inside the alien ship looking for Scully when he slips down a conveniently placed curved railing.  He slides really fast then stops his freefall with a one handed grab on a flat concrete surface.  That was a good trick.
Under Siege 2 Dark Territory -
Two trains, one passenger, one fuel collide on a bridge.  Casey "Fucking" Ryback runs through the exploding cars uphill and jumps out and catches a ladder suspended under a hovering helicopter.  Pretty good trick.
Transporter 2 - Frank hot on the trail of the bad guys corners one in a hotel and dodges bullets without the help of any Matrix style effects.  He also makes his car leap off the ground to remove the bomb placed underneath with a conveniently place crane hook.
Serenity - Jane is shot in the calf with a steel harpoon attached to a cable by Reevers while falling out of his hover craft.  The other space ship does not pull off his leg.  That's a damn strong leg.
Azumi - The fey samurai wears a flowing white kimono and white flip flops throughout his bloody sword fights.  He gets no blood on him until the last fight when he is sliced up himself.
Mission Impossible 3 - You can slide down the side of a skyscraper without gravity pulling you off into the great beyond.  It sure looked good though!
XXX - In an attempt to shut down a radio transmitter on the snow covered hillside, Xander jumps out of a helicopter, snowboards toward the radio tower, throws a couple of grenades, causes an avalanche, snowboards ahead of the roiling snow with inches to spare and jumps onto the radio antennae, hangs on for dear life as the avalanche crashes around him.
Dark Kingdom - A meteor strikes the ground and a young blacksmith runs to check it out.  He then walks into the crater and picks up the meteor.  It must have been one of those quick cooling meteors.
Dante's Peak - Our hero drives through molten lava and the only thing that happens to the truck is that the tires melt.  Thank god for Firestone tires!
Running Scared (2006) - Our anti hero Joe needs to remove a bullet fragment from a crime scene in order to keep the police off his back. With the police in the same room with him he chews a piece of gum for about a second, spits it on the floor next to the bullet, steps on the gum and then steps right on the bullet sticking it into the gum.  Now that takes some skill to get that maneuver right the first time.  In this same movie our hero is struck in the face with a fast moving hockey puck several times and doesn't even complain of a headache.
Goldfinger - The evil Chinese helping Goldfinger to radiate the gold in Fort Knox use 2 large tubes of explosives to open a wrought iron gate that is only locked with a small pad lock and a rod that fits into a small hole in the ground.  They couldn't just use a large bolt cutter???  Inscrutible.
King Kong (2005) -
Ann Darrow is dragged from the tramp streamer by a native through the freezing rough seas in her jammies.  Then she is offered up to Kong who proceeds to run through the jungle with her, fight prehistoric beasts with her, she runs away barefoot through the jungle, is almost eaten by V. Rexes and when she is finally rescued by Jack, she's unbruised, uncut and pretty darn clean.  Pretty amazing.
Along Came A Spider -
In the opening gambit a serial rapist/murderer is driving swiftly with an undercover cop beside him.  The sting goes badly when she pulls her pistol on him and shoots him.  The Corvette does a crazy aerial spin, crashes into the guard rail, jumps the median and goes over the edge of the dam.  The little CGI rapist goes flying out of the car into the swirling mists below and the car gets hung up on a small pipe protruding from the concrete. 
The Wraith - Packard is chased by the Wraith.  He is driving a fiberglass Corvette.  He crashes through the stone and wrought iron fence of the cemetery and stops when his car crashes into a large gravestone.  A piece of the gravestone falls on the windshield.  In the next scene the car as nary a scratch on it.  Must have been a wimpy burial ground. 
Tidal Wave No Escape - Our heroes escape the destruction of the Queen Mary by a tidal wave by getting in a small motor boat and scaling the face of the wave and getting up over the crest before it crashes into the mainland.
The Island - The heroine has to run, jump and fight a lot in this movie and she does so wearing little pointy toed high heeled really uncomfortable looking shoes.  She must be one tough clone! 
Equilibrium - Don't get me wrong.  I love this movie!  In a great scene of mayhem and death, top Cleric John Preston blasts the crap out of at least a dozen heavily armed guards.  He is wearing a pristine white suit and white shoes.  He walks in purposefully into the fray guns blazing.  He even rolls on the floor.  When he is done the room is piled high with dead bodies and the air is filled with blood spray and gun smoke.  But, is his white suit dirty...hell no.  Not a speck!  Then he proceeds to the next room and dispatches another 12 or so henchmen with a sword this time and again NO BLOOD or dirt on his white suit.  Simply amazing.  He finally gets some blood dribbled on it when he gets a slice in his neck, but crikey, that's like 10 minutes later!  What a guy.
Kingdom of Heaven
- After being knighted by his long lost father a lowly blacksmith becomes one amazingly talented military leader. So talented that he wins the right to surrender to the Saladins.
Interceptor - This is one of our favorite movies.  Must be the scene where two, count 'em two Stealth fighters free fall out of a cargo plane, extend their delta type wings and fly off to do battle with each other!  Great moves.  Highly believable and loads of fun.
Dark Waters - An escape submersible is taking on water and sinking, one of the crew puts the life raft out the hatch and inflates it.  It is strong enough to lift the submersible to the surface.  When on the surface, the raft is actually only large enough to fit 3 people.  Amazing
Kill and Kill Again - Scientist can make a mind control drug and a fuel source out of potatoes and I'm not talking Stoli.
Mission Impossible - We all love the helicopter in the tunnel scene.  Yeah, you know what I'm talking about.
Die Hard - This is a great movie, but when McClane uses the strap on his MP5 to climb down the air shaft and swing over to an open air duct many feet down, well I think we all said huh?
National Treasure - I'll have to look this up, but I don't know if frozen gunpowder will explode.  There has to be some level at which the properties are rendered inert by extreme cold.  Even if it is a dry cold.  Plus everyone lights up anything that burns in this movie and nothing explodes.  After 200 years everything still works the way it was designed.
Congo - A large uncut diamond can be placed in the chamber of a laser rifle and used as an amazing energy source.
Day After Tomorrow - so much promise, but alas, freezing instantly was almost too much.  Helicopters fell from the sky as the big storm cell dropped the temperature to that "critical" level.  Some people froze in their tracks, while others did not.  The salt water that flooded New York, froze, poof, just like that.
Broken Arrow - A small nuclear device explodes in an old copper mine causing the surrounding landscape to sink and/or ripple like waves on water.  EMP brings down a helicopter, yet everyone involved escapes unscathed and un-irradiated.  Pretty nifty trick. 
Cold Creek Manor - Sharon Stone's character is pushed down an old well and survives a 30 foot fall into muck filled water without a scratch or broken bone.  And she has the strength to climb out using a thin rope thrown down to her.  Pretty flexible for one her age.
If you are pretty or pregnant, Mutants, Aliens or Predators won't kill you.  (The Relic, Aliens 3, Predator 2)  BUT THE HYBRID ALIEN/PREDATOR FROM AVP-R WILL KILL YOU
AVP - A heat ray shot from space will leave "rifling" marks in the ice tunnel it makes.  Wouldn't you think heat would make it smooth?
Shark Attack 3: Megalodon - In the thrilling climax the surviving heroes have just killed a huge megalodon that has eaten everyone and everything in sight.  They see the rescue ship heading toward them to get them off their own sinking ship and heave collective sighs of relief.  Then out of nowhere a megalodon  (mommy) as large as Texas leaps out of the water and in one gulp devours the rescue ship and its skipper.  Talk about indigestion!

Fun and Death With Printing:
To Live and Die in LA
Catch Me if You Can
Odessa File
X-Files...Golem
Stagecoach
Man Who Shot Liberty Valance
7 Faces of Doctor Lao

WHAT THEY'RE WATCHING IN THE MOVIES:
American Horror Story: Rowan & Martin, Professor Blunden
Death Note 2017: Phantasm
Jericho of Scotland Yard: Bridge on the River Kwai
Fargo Season 2: Massacre at Souix Falls
John Doe:  Jeopardy
Aftermath: Felix the Cat cartoons
Last Ship, Season 1: McHale's Navy
Wolves: Lone Ranger
A Kind of Murder:  Butterfield 8
Dr Blake Mysteries: Vertigo, Pillow Talk
Agent X: Mr Deeds goes to Washington
Hellboy 2: Wolfman, Bride of Frankenstein, Creature from the Black Lagoon
Hulk 2008:  Courtship of Eddie's Father, Muppets
Max Payne:  Show Them No Mercy
Deadpool 2: Logan
Rockenrolla: Pride and Prejudice
Frequency TV series: Pinky & the Brain
Lucifer season 2:  Nightmare on Elm Street
Assassination: King Kong
Mistletoe Promise: It's a Wonderful  Life
It's Alive: Roadrunner Cartoons
Dough: Singing in the Rain, Butch & Sundance
Explorers: War of the Worlds (1958)
13 Hours: Tropic Thunder
Millennium: First Blood
Interview of a Vampire: Superman, Tequila Sunrise
Beloved Bodyguard: Tom & Jerry
Kung Fu Killer: Drunken Master

Luke Cage: Dead Reckoning, Night of the Living Dead
Jack Taylor: Lethal Weapon
Good Neighbor: Attack of the 50ft Woman, Plan 9 From Outer Space
Mechanic (1972): Joanna Enlists, Blood and Sand
Spies Like Us:  Ronald Reagan musical
American Beauty: This is the Army
Hard to Kill:  Geraldo, Johnny Carson
Crossing Lines:  The General
Fortitude: Harvey
Nice Guys: Get Smart, Jaws 2, Waltons
Breakout Kings: Prison Break
High Crimes: Sanford & Son
My Life in Ruins: Zorba the Greek
Murder By Numbers: Matlock
Stranger Things:  Evil Dead, The Thing
Shannara Chronicles: Star Trek
10 Cloverfield Lane: Pretty in Pink
Preacher: 4th Annual Houston Snuff Film Festival

The Hunger: Tom & Jerry
Citizen X:  French Connection
Fast & Furious: Dragon; the Bruce Lee Story
Let's Be Cops: Planet of the Apes, Alien, The Fly
The Wolves:  Lone Ranger
Fringe: SpongeBob, Superman cartoons, X-Files, Back to the Future, Forbidden Planet, Simba, Bugs Bunny, Casablanca
WhiteChapel: Touch of Evil
Serendipity: Cool Hand Luke
Inside Llewyn Davis: Incredible Journey
Murder By Decree:  Lucretia Borgia play
Minions: The Saint, Dating Game, Bewitched
Minority Report the Series: Simpsons Season 75
Watchmen: Road Warrior
X-Files 2016: 2001
Orphan Black: Silence of the Lambs
Beautiful Creatures: Inception
The Intern: Singing in the Rain
Battle Creek:  Pineapple Express
Black Coal Thin Ice: Golgo-Lucky 13
Mystery Woman: Straight from the Heart
Copland: Starsky & Hutch...tv series
Time After Time: Exorcist 4
Arrow: Woman Possessed
Once Upon a Holiday:  It's a Wonderful Life
What If:  The Thing, Princess Bride
Man in the High Castle:  Punch Party
Just in Time for Christmas:  It's a Wonderful Life
The Flash: Scrooge
IZombie: Tom & Jerry
Hearts in Atlantis: Lone Ranger (series), Village of the Damned
12 Monkeys: Woody Woodpecker
Hemlock Grove: Love Boat with Sam Groom and Scatman Crothers
Frailty:  Mutual of Omaha, Davey and Goliath, Dukes of Hazzard
Doc Martin: Benny Hill
Inspector Morse: Last Tango in Paris, 101 Dalmatians
Spartan...Too Late for Tears

Get Shorty...Touch of Evil
Wolves...Lone Ranger
Mercury Rising:  Woody Woodpecker
Predestination: Bewitched
Ride Along: Real Housewives of Atlanta
Jesse Stone Innocents Lost:  Bridge on the River Kwai, Mr. Smith Goes to Washington
Jesse Stone Benefit of the Doubt: Last Hurrah

Chappie...HeMan and Masters of the Universe cartoon version
Superstar...Boy in the Plastic Bubble
Beautiful Creatures...The Haunting (original)
Shame: Striking Distance
War of the Worlds (1953):  Samson & Delilah
Kill Bill 2:  Shogun Assassin
Local Boys: Gorgo
Saving Mr. Banks: Mary Poppins

Those Who Kill: The Fly
Silver Linings Playbook: Singing in the Rain
Ongbak: Spy Game
Christine: Muppet Movie with Richard Pryor
Person of Interest: Rashomon, Rain People
Nightshift: Flintstones
On Frozen Ground: Tom & Jerry
Hemlock Grove: Night of the Living Dead
Falling in Love With The Girl Next Door: Nosferatu
Nightwatch: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Dracula episode

Jack Reacher: Big Muddy (Gregory Peck & Burl Ives)
Cupid & Cate: Vertigo
Iron Man 3: Downton Abbey
Bulletproof Monk: Descendants of Wing Chun
Hope Springs: Caine Mutiny, Mad About You
Bates Motel: John Wayne movie

This Means War: Young Frankenstein, Heaven Can Wait, Butch & Sundance
Person of Interest: Rashoman, Rain People
Bates Motel: His Girl Friday

Boom: UFC fights
Bad Teacher:  Scream and Dangerous Minds
Justified: Reeker
New Daughter: Dexter's Laboratory
50/50: Stephen Colbert Report
Wieners: Charlie's Angels
Iron Sky:  The Great Dictator
Johnny Mnemonic: High Sierra
Bullet to the Face: Mikado
Frequency: Dick Cavett, Hill Street Blues
Hard to Kill: Do The Right Thing
Dead Heads: Evil Dead
Ed Wood: White Zombie
Ted:  Flash Gordon, SpongeBob Square Pants, Bridget Jones Diary...reading Adventures of TinTin...parody of "Airplane"
Backup Plan: Andy Griffith Show
Dead Heads: Evil Dead
To Wong Foo: 10 Commandments
Endangered Species: Gone with the Wind
Scream 4: Shaun of the Dead
From Russia With Love: Call Me Bwana
Forced Vengeance: Tom & Jerry cartoons
Adventures of Remo Williams: Beyond the Night (fictitious soap opera)
Forced Vengeance:  Tom & Jerry cartoons

Prometheus: Lawrence of Arabia
Jesse Stone Benefit of the Doubt: Last Hurrah
DNA: Brief Encounter

Dark Shadows 2012: Scooby Doo cartoons, Deliverance, Superfly
Person of Interest: Samurai 7, 30 Days of Night
The Guard: Osterman Weekend
Blood & Donuts: Bugs & Elmer in Canada cartoons
Dark Half: CATS the musical
Friends with Benefits: South Pacific

Into the Night:  Abbot and Costello meet Universal Monsters
Dead Again:  Sorry Wrong Number
Accidents Happen: 3 Stooges
Castle: Night of the Living Dead
Lethal Weapon: Scrooge, Star Angel

Stephen King's Cat's Eye: Tom and Jerry cartoons
Jane Doe, Now You See It: SAW
Christmas Vacation: It's A Wonderful Life

Warehouse 13: It's A Wonderful Life
Haven: Dark Tower
It's A Wonderful Life: Bells of St Mary's

Descendants: March of the Penguins
J. Edgar: Public Enemy, G-Men

A Very Harold & Kumar 3D Christmas:  A Christmas Story, Madea

Goonies: Captain Blood
Silver Bells: Be Cool
FBI the series: The Syndicate, Golden Trap
Bridesmaids: Castaway, Maury
Mrs. Winterbourne: Giselle-ballet
Legal Eagles: Singing in the Rain
The Shining: Summer of 42, Road Runner cartoons
The Scout: King Kong
Fragile: Disney's Sleeping Beauty
American Psycho: Inside Lydia's Ass
Long Kiss Goodnight: S*P*Y*S (w/Elliot Gould), 3 Stooges
Twilight New Moon: Romeo & Juliet, Dead Come Back

Men with Brooms: Wet & Wild, Defenders
The Hallow:  John Carpenter's Halloween
Hachi: Merchant of Venice
Super Nova: Tom & Jerry cartoons
Back Up Plan: Andy Griffith Show (where Opie tells Pa's GF not to come around anymore)
Ghost Dog: Betty Boop cartoons
Undercover Brother: Enter the Dragon
Straw Dogs-Remake 2011: The Turning Point w/ William Holden

Easy A: Adventures of Tom Sawyer
American President: Woman of the Year
Burn Notice: Soccer
Twilight: The Dead Come Back
Answer Man:  Wolfman (Lon Chaney Jr)
Night Train to Munich:  Gone With The Wind, Mein Kampf
Innocents Lost: Bridge on the River Kwai, Mr. Smith goes to Washington
NCIS: Black Pirate (silent film)
Criminal Minds: Mighty Mouse
Fast & Furious: Dragon, the Bruce Lee Story
HOP: The Phantom
Final: Summertime
Forgetting Sarah Marshall: Access Hollywood
Emmanuelle: Facets of Love
Justified: cowboy movies
Law & Order SVU: Jerry Springer
Balls of Fury: L&O CI
Dracula III Legacy: Looney Tunes cartoons
Paul:  Star Trek Gorn episode, Easy Rider
Melancholia: The Lion King

Chocolate: The Protector
Idle Hands:  Mr. Magoo cartoons
Unstoppable: Family Guy
Criminal Minds: Into the Mouth of Hell
A Walk on the Moon: In Harm's Way
Hawaii 5-0: Chips
Signs: Dexter's Laboratory
Blade 2: Power Puff Girls
Love & Sex: Nosferatu
Criminal Minds: The Blob (1958)
Evil Dead: Hills Have Eyes
Driving Miss Daisy: Scudda Hoo Scudda Hay
Scrooged:  A Christmas Carol 1955, Lone Ranger, Howdy Doody, Wheel of Fortune
Swarmed: Species 3
San Francisco: Dante's Inferno
The Blob (1958): Daughter of Horror with Bela Lugosi
The Client:  F Troop
The Tingler: Tol-Able David
DOA: The Horn Whistles, 8 Big Vaudeville Acts
Frailty: Dukes of Hazzard, Davey & Goliath
Halloween 1976: Thing From Another Planet
The Pacific Episode 5: For Whom the Bells Toll
Damien Omen 2: State Fair
Bones: Avatar
Dead Again:  The Mrs. Carrolls
Black Stallion: Spiral Staircase, Jungle Princess
Top Dog: COPS
Two and a Half Men: Animal Planet
South Park Iceman episode: Fargo, ID4
Did You Hear About the Morgans?: Searchers, Dirty Harry

The American:  Once Upon a Time in the West
Teeth: Black Scorpion 1957
South Park Dances With Smurfs: Avatar
All About Eve: Aged in Wood

Planet 51:  Humaniacs
Gorky Park: Soccer
Frankenfish:  The Monster that Challenged the World
Kick Ass:  Spirit 3, Craig Ferguson, Scott Pilgrim
At First Sight:  The Price is Right
Jurassic Park 3: Barney
X-Files-Beyond the Sea: Ron Popiel info-mercial
Missing In Action:  Spiderman cartoons
Moonlight:  The Brave One
Neverwas:  Red Sands
Blood Ties:  Phantom of the Opera, Die Fledermaus
Constantine:  Droopy Cartoon
Psych:  Little Mermaid, Vertigo, Psycho
Delta Force:  Local belly dancing talent show
Invasion USA:  Merv Griffin variety show with Phyllis Diller, First Blood
Lucas:  The Fly
Criminal Minds: Zoolander
NCIS, Silent Night: It's a Wonderful Life
Midnight Sun: Bridge on the River Kwai

Brief Interviews with Hideous Men:  Nanook of the North
Chatahoochie: Roy Rogers

Castle:  His Girl Friday

Megasnake:  another sci-fi channel movie
Lost:  Little House on the Prairie
Hot Tub Time Machine: Red Dawn
Criminal Minds:  The Blob (original with Steve McQueen)

Justified: Rawhide, Have Gun Will Travel, Rudolph
Nightmare on Elm Street:  Evil Dead
Halloween: The Thing from Another Planet
SVU: The Invisible Man
Criminal Minds: Charlie Chaplin, Young and the Restless
Le Divorce: The Red Shoes

Castle: The Hulk TV series
CSI NY:  The Red Shoes
Kung Fu Hustle:  Top Hat
Lovely Bones: Partridge Family
Criminal Minds: Mickey Mouse cartoons
Jesse Stone Death in Paradise:  Caine Mutiny, Rocky
Legion: It's a Wonderful Life
Temple Grandin:  From Here to Eternity
Human Target: unidentified cowboy movie from the 50s
Cobra: Toys R Us Christmas commercial
Pilgrim: La Chulita
12 Monkeys: Vertigo, The Birds
Moon: Bewitched
Blessed: Jerry Springer Show

Fragile: Harold Lloyd
Oh brother Where Art Thou?: Myrt & Marge
Last Action Hero: Seventh Seal
Christine: Richard Pryor Movie
I Come In Peace:  A Wonderful Life
Employee of the Month: Princess Bride
South Park Country Critter Christmas: Jeffersons
Max Payne: Public Enemy, Show Them No Mercy
Shining Through: Victory at Dawn

Sex and the City2: It Happened One Night
Zombieland: Ghostbusters
Shawshank Redemption: Gilda
Bulletproof Monk: Descendents of Wing Chun
Brief Encounter: Flames of Passion
The Professional: Transformers cartoon show and Signing in the Rain
Man on Fire 1987: The Rex Gay films
White Collar: Tiles of Fire (made up)
Nora's Hair Salon 2: Woody Woodpecker
Cider House Rules: Rebecca
Carrie: Gunsmoke
Blood Ties: Phantom of the Opera 1933
Step Brothers: Above the Law
Boondock Saints II: Eiger Sanction, Panic Room
Mrs. Palfrey at the Claremont:  Brief Encounter
Point of No Return: Now Voyager
Heatstroke: Clutch Cargo
The Informant:  The Firm
Firestarter:  Woody Woodpecker cartoons
Closing the Ring: Glenn Miller Story
Pretty Woman: Charade
Hung:  Nanook of the North
Blood Ties: Nosferatu
Jaws 2: Pong
Transformers Revenge of the Fallen:  Larry King
Baby Mama:  Tom & Jerry cartoons
The Thing:  Let's Make A Deal
Species 2:  Dukes of Hazzard
Forever Lulu:  No Time For Sergeants
Public Enemies: Manhattan Melodrama, Looney Tunes
Grosse Point Blank: Pulp Fiction
Fast And Furious: The Simpsons Movie
Hollywoodland: From Here to Eternity
True Blood:  The Horror of Dracula
The Seeker: Bridge to Terabithia
Black Dahlia: Black Angel
Boston Strangler:  Kennedy Funeral
Gods & Monsters: Frankenstein 
Shawshank Redemption:  Gilda
Enemy of the State:  Jeopardy

Watchmen: Outer Limits, Jeopardy,
The 300 Spartans
Over Her Dead Body: Gorgo
Bones: Family Guy
Lost: Muppets
Hunted: A Team, Japanese Ghost Story
Juno:  Susperia, Wizard of Gore

Step Brothers: Shark Week
Without a Trace:  Unfaithful, Mama Mia
Funny Games: Bringing Up Baby
Fear: Married With Children
Simpsons Girl Who Slept too Little: Cats
Bye Bye Birdie: Ed Sullivan Show
9 to 5: Days of Our Lives
Son of Rambow:  Yentl, First Blood
United States of Tara: Pandora's Box
Moonlight: The Brave One
Wanted Dead or Alive: Rambo
The Beach: Apocalypse Now
Maltese Falcon: Girl From Albany
One Fine Day: Wizard of Oz
Babylon A.D.: Wizard of Oz
Almost Famous: To Kill a Mocking Bird, Stolen Kiss
Wedding Planner: Antiques Road Show
No Reservations: Bugs Bunny/Wiley Coyote cartoons
Legend of Bagger Vance: Public Enemy
Dexter:  Halo video game
X-Files I Want To Believe:  The Jeffersons
Earthgirls Are Easy:  Tarzan, The Nutty Professor
Seven: Wiley Coyote cartoons
Courage Under Fire: Larry King Live
Enchanted: Charlie McCarthy
Femme Fatale: Double Indemnity
Changeling: It Happened One Night
Tropic Thunder: The Queen, Star Trek original series (Kirk and the Gorn)
Matrix: Night of the Lepus
Mystic Pizza:  Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous
Running With Scissors: Lina Wurtmuller Film Festival
Clay Pigeons: Alien
The Shining: Road Runner cartoons
I Know Who Killed Me: One Girl Confesses
House Bunny:  It Happened One Night
Game Plan:  Fun in Acapulco
Forrest Gump: Sesame Street, Gomer Pyle USMC
Knocked Up:  Wild Things 
Land Of Women:  Seinfeld
Pineapple Express: Room 227
Damned Thing: Care Bears
Hellboy: Andy Griffith show

Hellboy2: Howdy Doody, Creature From the Black Lagoon, Bride of Frankenstein
The Incredible Hulk (2008):  Courtship of Eddie's Father
Mr. Mom:  Young and the Restless
Indiana Jones & the Crystal Skull:  Howdy Doody
Hard To Kill:  Geraldo
Dying Young:  Jeopardy
Alvin & the Chipmunks:  Sponge Bob Square Pants
Starman:  I Dream of Jeannie, From Here To Eternity
Street Kings:  Ren & Stimpy

Hitman:  Hitman the video game
The War:  Gone With The Wind
Rat Race:  Some Like It Hot
House Guest:  Godzilla cartoon show
Airplane 2:  Hunchback of Notre Dame
Hunting Party:  Missing in Action
Bunny Lake is Missing:  music video of The Zombies
Michael Clayton:  Wicked
In Bruges:  Touch of Evil
Night of the Creeps:  Plan 9 From Outer Space

I Am Legend: Shrek
Take the Lead: I Love Lucy
Cloverfield:  Sponge Bob Square Pants
Fargo:  Generations (episode with our hero Bruce Campbell)
Earth Girls are Easy:  Cocteau's Beauty and the Beast, Invaders from Mars
The Blob:  Daughter of Horror
Philadelphia Experiment:  Abbott and Costello
Long Kiss Goodnight:  3 Stooges
Field of Dreams:  The Godfather
The Rookie (1990):  The Tarantula
Fright Night:  Hammer Films Dracula
No Country For Old Men:  Flight to Tangier
Fred Claus:  A Charlie Brown Christmas
Scream: Halloween
Natural Born Killers: Leave It To Beaver, 77 Sunset Strip
Eureka: Dexter's Laboratory
Monkey Trouble:  Bugs Bunny cartoons
Longest Yard (remake):  Short Circuit
Transformers (2007):  A Place in the Sun, Rose Tattoo
Pretender, Every Picture tells a Story:  Wheel of Fortune
Dusk til Dawn:  Spartacus
Postman:  Sound of Music, Universal Soldier, She Wore a Yellow Ribbon
Spymate: Ghost in the Shell
Little Big League:  Night Nurses from New Jersey
Ocean's Thirteen:  Oprah
Apt Pupil:  The Jeffersons, I Dream of Jeannie, Mr. Magoo
Next:  Dr. Strangelove, Bambi
Hot Fuzz:  Point Break, Bad Boys II
Monster In Law:  Nightmare on Elm Street
I Still Know What You Did Last Summer:  Night of the Demon
For Love or Money:  The Munsters
Sleepless in Seattle:  Affair to Remember
American Psycho:  Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)
Sopranos 2007: Born Yesterday, Hellfighters, Little Miss Sunshine
The Professional:  Transformers (cartoon)
The Fog (2005):  Jeopardy
Twister:  The Shining, A Star is Born
Made in America:  Little Princess
The Day After:  Untamed Frontier
Bats:  Nosferatu
Into The Fire:  Honeymooners (original series)
Near Dark:  Aliens
Lethal Weapon:  Christmas Carol  (1951), Lost Boys, Star Angel
Point of No Return:  Deception
Ghost Dog:  Felix the Cat, Woody Woodpecker, Itchy and Scratchy
Zodiac (2007):  Dirty Harry
Dresden Files:  Last Time I Saw Paris
The Squid and the Whale: 3's Company
CSI Viva Las Vegas 2004:  To Serve Man Twilight Zone episode
Identity:  Wheel of Fortune
Dexter: Terms of Endearment, Edward Scissorhands
Small Soldiers:  Frankenstein
Hostage:  Heaven Can Wait 1978 & 1943
True Romance:  Street Fighter, Days of Our Lives
Borat:  Baywatch, Married With Children
Donnie Darko:  Evil Dead, Last Temptation of Christ
Bones:  The Fly 1958 version, Blair Witch Project, Treasure of the Sierra Madre
Dressed To Kill:  Phil Donohue
Fail Safe (2000):  My Fair Lady
South Park Awesom-O:  The Prince & Me
The Hunted (Christopher Lambert):  The A Team
Stranger than Fiction:  Monty Python's Meaning of Life
Shark's Tale:  Jaws
Bladerunner:  Mimilocos, To'lable David
Murphy's Romance:  Friday the 13th #3
Spiral Staircase:  The Kiss
Serenity:  Max Fleischer Superman cartoons
Citizen X:  French Connection
The Wild:  The Lion King
200 Cigarettes:  Love Story
Nightmares & Dreamscapes, Autopsy Room 5:  Alfred Hitchcock Presents, Breakdown (1955)
The Lake House:  Notorious
Navy Seals:  Mr. Ed
Must Love Dogs:  Dr. Zhivago
Little Monsters:  The Fly (1958 version)
Slither:  The Toxic Avenger
V for Vendetta:  The Count of Monte Cristo (1934 version)
The Prince and Me: Star Trek Next Generation episode
South Park: 2001 Scott Tenorman Must Die episode:  Big War Movie
Big:  French Connection
Pacifier:  Ghost
Signs: Dexter's Laboratory
Hearts In Atlantis:  Village of the Damned
Running Scared (2006):  The Cowboys
Night Watch:  Buffy, The Vampire Slayer...the episode where she meets Vlad Dracula
Firewall:  Ghost Ship, Forbidden Planet, The Flintstones
Hostel:  Pulp Fiction dubbed in Slovakian
Interview With The Vampire:  Tequila Sunrise, Superman, Gone With The Wind, Nosferatu
Rumor Has It:  The Graduate
The Ringer:  Dirty Dancing, Rain Man, Forrest Gump, Family Guy
King Kong 2005:  Footlight Parade (But I think it was billed as Starlight Express starring James Cagney and Joan Blondell)
Syriana:  Death Fist and Venice
Just Friends:  The Notebook
Blade 3 Trinity:  Incubus
Invasion:  The Man Show 
Chicken Little:  Raiders of the Lost Ark
Jarhead:  Apocalypse Now
Glimmerman:  Casablanca and Philadelphia Story
Fear of the Dark:  Evil Dead
Independence Day:  The Day The Earth Stood Still (original)
The Italian Job (the remake): The Italian Job (original)
See Spot Run:  Pinky and the Brain
Heavenly Creatures:  The Third Man
Mind Hunters:  The Third Man
Replacement Killers:  Cartoon Festival featuring Mr. Magoo
Saboteur:  Peril of the Air
Beast From 20,000 Fathoms:  Across the Wide Missouri
CSI A Spark of Life episode 2005:  Aqua Teen Hunger Force
CSI Up In Smoke episode 2006:  Dead Man on Campus reference
CSI 2007: Gorgo
Turner and Hooch:  Lancelot Link reference

THINGS WE LEARN FROM THE MOVIES:
1. Any lock can be picked with a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless it's a door to a burning building with a child inside.
2. It's always possible to park in front of the building you are visiting.
3. Should you want to pass yourself off as foreign, you need not speak the language, just use a horrible accent.
4. Television and radio bulletins contain stories that affect you personally at the precise moment that it's aired and you are hearing it.
5.  You can get hit in the face with a hockey puck 4 times and still not lose consciousness.
6. Pre-historic and mutant beasts don't like the legal profession:  Beast from 20,000 Fathoms eats a policeman, the T-Rex in Jurassic Park eats a lawyer,
    Them (giant ants) eat 2 policemen, the Cathoga from The Relic eats 2 rent a cops and 3 policemen.
7. You can ALWAYS find a chainsaw when you need one!
8.  If "they" are wearing an eye patch "they" are the bad guy. 
9.  Below the sea all sensitive things are developed in the closet
10.  You can drive over raging lava in a park ranger vehicle with standard tires
11.  Your flashlight batteries will last right up to the point where you really need them
12.  A plastic airline spork can be used as a weapon to disable the bad guy.  Human Target taught us that.
13.  Never be the last one standing at a massacre.  Police will think you are the murderer.
14.  Anyone can be killed with an abacas.  

INCREDIBLY BAD TIMING:  PLAY DIRTY (MICHAEL CAINE).  ROUSING WWII ACTIONER.  CAINE IS A BRIT CAPTAIN CHARGED WITH TAKING UNRULY MERCENARIES ACROSS THE AFRICAN DESERT ON A SEARCH AND DESTROY MISSION OF GERMAN FUEL DEPOTS.  LOTS OF ACTION AND DRAMA. THE FINAL SCENE IS ONE OF THE BEST WHOOPSIES IN MOVIEDOM.  AFTER SURVIVING SAND STORMS, LAND MINES AND EACH OTHER, CAINE AND DAVENPORT ARE THE LAST REMAINING MEN FROM THE OPERATION.  STILL DRESSED AS GERMANS THEY HEAD OFF TO SURRENDER TO THE INCOMING BRITISH FORCES.  THEY HAVE A TINY LITTLE WHITE FLAG.  WHOOPSIE...NO ONE SEES THE WHITE FLAG!  BANG BANG YOU'RE DEAD.  GREAT MOVIE.

If The Lady in White and The Woman in Black meet does that give us The Grey?
If one mixed a little Pork Chop Hill and Hamburger Hill at 12 O'Clock High would they get Heartbreak Ridge?
If Mr. Wrong and Miss Congeniality have sex would that be a Miss Conception?
If the Horror Express and the Terror Train collide with the Midnight Meat Train will they be Derailed?
If the January Man joined the October Man and the November Man could they beat the Calendar Man at Arkham Asylum?
If the Thin Red Line and the Long Grey Line converge will that make White Line Fever?
If Nice Guys, Other Guys and Guys & Dolls gathered at a funeral would it be a Good Guys Wear Black party?

SCI FI / USA CHANNELS:  PURGATORY FOR FAMILIAR AND BELOVED ACTORS.  
                                               (THEY HAVE TO PAY THEIR INSURANCE SOMEHOW!)

Franco Nero (NOT aged well at all)... Killer Mermaid
Ryan Merriman, Tom Everett Scott ~ Independence Day-saster
Barry Bostwick, Frankie Muniz, John Landis ~ Blast Vegas
Mariel Hemingway, Danny Trejo, LeVar Burton ~ Rise of the Zombies
John Schneider ~ Super Shark
John Schneider, Jason London ~ Snow Beast
Casper Van Dein ~ Meltdown, Days of Destruction
Brad Dourif, Rachel Hunter ~ Swamp Volcano
Nick Chinlund, Barry Corbin, Don S. Davis, Erin Karpluk ~ Wyvern

Stephen Rhea (yes--Crying Game, Citizen X Stephen Rhea) ~ Road Kill
DB Sweeney, Kristy Swanson, Robert Davi, Sophie Sinise ~ Swamp Shark
Ving Rhames ~ Zombie Apocalypse
Yancy Butler, David Hewlett ~ Rage of the Yeti

Bruce Boxleitner, John Shea, Jason London ~ Area 51 ~ DIRECTED BY Jason Connery WTF?!?!??!
Patrick Muldoon, Bo Svenson ~ 7 Adventures of Sinbad
Joe Flanigan, John Rhys-Davies ~ Ferocious Planet
Luke Perry, James Van Der Beek, David James Elliot, Treat Williams, Teri Polo, Patrick Laboryteaux, John Laroquette ~ The Storm
John Shea ~ Kraken
Billy Campbell, Stacey Keech, Jason Alexander, Ernie Hudson ~ Meteor
Julian Sands ~ Beyond Sherwood Forest
Bruce Davison ~ Titanic 2
Casper Van Dien ~ Husk
John Schneider, Darryl Hannah, Armand Assante, F. Murray Abraham ~ Shark Swarm
Antonio Sabato Jr., Traci Lords ~ Princess of Mars
Kevin Sorbo ~ Lightning Strikes
Jason London, Marc Macaulay, Robert Picardo ~ Monster Wolf
Christopher Villiers ~ Triassic Attack
Lance Guest ~ Flu Bird Horror
Lucy Lawless, John Hurd, Mike Farrell ~ Locusts
Sean Bean ~ Lost Future
David James Elliot, Steven Culp, Natasha Hentsridge, James Cromwell ~ Impact a 4 hour movie event!
Luke Perry, Peter Fonda, Embeth Davidtz ~ Super Nova
Chris Sarandon, John Saxon, Tim Thomerson, Adrienne Barbeau ~ War Wolves
Lou Gossett Jr, Stephen McHattie, Mark Decascos, Joanne Kelly ~ Solar Attack
Steve Railsback, Edward Furlong ~ Intermedio
Ted DiBiase, Britney Murphy, Bruce Davison ~ Mega Fault
Gil Gerard ~ Ghost Town
Costas and Louis Mandylor ~ The Cursed
Eric Roberts ~ Sharktopus
David Hasselhoff: Anaconda 3
Linden Ashby, John Rhys Davies: Anacondas Trail of Blood
Bruce Dern ~ Swamp Devil
Max Martini ~ Mandrake
Joe Lando ~ Meteor Apocalypse
Dean Cain ~ Frost Giant
Dee Wallace Stone, Matt McCoy ~ Abominable
Sean Patrick Flannery, Andrew Stevens ~ Mongolian Death Worms
Mickey Dolenz, Debbie Gibson, Tiffany, A Martinez ~ Mega Python & Gateroid
Timothy Bottoms, C Thomas Howell ~ Land the Time Forgot
David Carradine ~ Supergator vs. Dinocroc
Haley Duff, Ryan Merriman ~ Backwoods
Jewel Haig (late of Firefly) ~ Mothman ( rip-off sequel to Mothman Prophecies)
Michael Shanks ~ Megasnake
Thomas Gibson, Nancy McKeon, Brian Dennehy, Dianne Wiest ~ Category 6 Day of Destruction
David Selby, Vincent Vintresca, Rachel Hunter ~ Larva
Tom Berenger, Luke Perry ~ Sea Snakes
Barry Williams, Tiffany ~ Mega Piranha
Eric Balfour ~ Dinoshark
Patrick Muldoon, Stephen J. Cannell ~ Ice Spiders
Antonio Zapato Jr., Grand L. Bush ~ Shark Hunter
Lance Henrickson ~ Screamers: The Hunting
Corin Nemec, Charisma Carpenter ~ House of Bones
Debbie Gibson, Lorenzo Lamas ~ Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus
DB Sweeney, Danica McKeller ~ Heatstroke
Kevin Sorbo ~ Lightning Strikes
Greg Evigan ~ Phantom Racer
Marc Singer ~ Dragonquest
Thomas Jane, John Malkovich, Ron Perlman, Sean Pertwe ~ Mutant Chronicles
Jason Gedric ~ Sand Serpents
Lou Diamond Phillips ~ Carny
Bruce Boxleitner ~ Legion of the Dead, Bone Eater, Area 51
Michael Pare ~ Komodo vs. Cobra (filmed at the Fantasy Island house no less)
Corin Nemec: Sea Beast, SS Doomtrooper
Lee Horsely, Jason London ~ Showdown at Area 51
Tom Sizemore ~ Furnace ~ Bottom Feeder
Famke Jaansen ~ 100 Feet
Greg Evigan, Deedee Pfiefer ~ Journey to the Center of the Earth
John Rhys Davies ~ Anaconda 3 and 4, The Ferryman
Mark Decascos ~ I Am Omega
John Saxon, Tim Thomerson, Martin Kove ~ War Wolves
Adrian Paul ~ Wraith of Roanoke
William Katt ~ AVH
Richard Moll ~ Headless
Eric Roberts - Cyclops
Michael Madsen - Croc
Luke Perry, Dan Cortese, Dorian Harewood, Olivia D'Abo - Triangle
Corbin Bernsen, Corin Nemec ~ Raging Sharks
Stephen Baldwin - Sharks in Venice
Michael Shanks, Shannon Dougherty - Lost Treasure of the Grand Canyon
John Rhys-Davies, Arnold Vosloo - Fire & Ice
Michael Gross, Greg Evigan, Chris Atkins - 100 Million BC
Erin Grey (Col. Deering Buck Rogers) - Ghouls
David Hasselhoff, John Rhys-Davies - Anaconda 3
Dean Cain - Dead and Deader (a zombie love story), Arctic Monster
Brad Johnson - Copperhead
Patrick Bergin - Beneath Loch Ness
Jennifer Grey - Ritual
John Schneider - Ogre
Tom Wopat - The Hive
Casper Van Dien, Michael Rooker - Skeleton Man
Stacy Keach, Jake Busey - Haunted Prison
Bruce Boxleitner, Walter Koenig, Veronica Hamel, Gil Gerard, William Katt - Bone Eater
Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa - Ghost Voyage
Michael Shanks (ex of Stargate SG1) - Mega Snake...worst part he cuts himself out of the snake's stomach with a big knife.  His girlfriend is in there too.
Martin Kove, John Savage - Alien Lockdown
Dominic Purcell - Grave Dancers.  We thought that Prison Break thing was going well...
Kevin Sorbo - Something Beneath
Ben Cross - Species: The Awakening
Scott Bairstow, Joey Lawrence - Android Apocalypse
Lance Henricksen - Spiders Web
Brad Johnson, Kelly McGillis - Supergator  this is so sad...
Adam Baldwin - Sands of Oblivion
Mark Paul Gosselar - Atomic Twister
Stephen Baldwin - Harpies
Patrick Muldoon, Vanessa Williams - Ice Spiders
Stephen Baldwin, William B. Davis - Dark Storm
Chris Bruno, Ben Cross, Marina Sirtis - Grendel
Jack Thompson - Man-Thing
Stephen Baldwin, Rob Reiner - Snake King
John Schneider, Cloris Leachman - Lake Placid 2
Joe Penny - Reign of the Gargoyles
Sean Patrick Flannery, Rod Taylor - Kaw (the Sci Fi homage to the Birds)
Dirk Benedict and Stephen Baldwin - Earthstorm
Robert Beltran and Randolph Mantooth - Fire Serpent (from the mind of William Shatner)
Jonathan LaPaglia and Larry Drake - Gryphon
Peter Krause and Julianna Margulies - The Lost Room
Jeremy London, Yancy Butler, Leavant Derricks, Stephen Furst - Basilisk, The Serpent King
Jack Scalia - Kraken, Tentacles of the Deep
Patrick Swayze, Michael Clarke Duncan - Dragon Sword
Judd Nelson, Kristy Swanson, David Selby - Black Hole
Michael Pare - Komodo vs. Cobra
George Takai, Michael Dorn - AI: Artificial Intelligence
Lance Henricksen - Sasquatch
Thomas Gibson - The Monkey King (great title)
Corin Nemec and Ben Cross - S S Doomtrooper, this was egg rotten even by Sci Fi standards.
Max Von Sydow - Dark Kingdom
Tom Skerritt - Mammoth (you guessed it, about a museum's wooly mammoth exhibit brought to life by an alien life force)
Eric (I guess I'm still alive and acting) Roberts and Corbin Bernsen - Raptor
Rutger Hauer, Tony Todd - Minotaur 
Costas Mandaylor, Alexandra Paul, Michael Ironside - Disaster Zone: Volcano in New York
Mark Hammil - Watchers Reborn
Colm Meany and Christopher (please forgive me for the Blue Lagoon) Atkins:  Caved In - Prehistoric terror
Tate Donovan:  Painkiller Jane
Greg Evigan:  Cerberus
Sam Neill, Lou Diamond Phillips, Eric Stoltz,  Katherine Bell:  The Triangle
Erik Estrada (playing a gay man...that's scary and creepy):  King Cobra
Wil Wheaton:  Python
Stacey Keach - The Man With The Screaming Brain
John Savage - Alien Lock Down
Charles Napier, Costas Mandaylor, Bruce Weitz and Joanna Pacula - Dinocroc
Coolio - Red Water (Jaws on the bayou) - Pterodactyl (think the title is incredulous, Coolio portrays a U S Spec Ops)
Lou Diamond Phillips and Todd Bridges (yeah, I thought he was dead or in jail too) - Alien Express  talk about cheese!  Whew!
Brad Johnson and Carl Weathers - Alien Seige
William Forsythe - Hammerhead Shark Frenzy
Dale Midkiff - Alien Fury
Brian Wimmer, Robert Carradine - Attack of the Sabretooth
Luke Perry and Michael Dorn - Descent (rip off of The Core)
Casper Van Dien, Geoffrey Lewis, Robert Wagner, Tom Bosley (not a cast you see everyday) - The Fallen Ones
Casper Van Dien - Slayer
Corin Nemec - Mansquito
John Rhys-Davies - Chupacabra: Dark Waters, Dragon Storm, Sabretooth 
Sean Astin - Slipstream
Faye Dunaway and Isaac Hayes - Anonymous Rex
Lorenzo Lamas - Dark Waters, Raptor Island
Harry Hamlin - Silent Predators
Theresa Russell - Project Viper
Stephen Baldwin - Snake King
Bruce Boxleitner - Snakehead Terror, They Are Among Us. 
Dean Cain - Dragon Fighter, BOA, Dead and Deader
Kevin Dillon - Out For Blood 
Bruce Campbell - Terminal Invasion, Alien Apocalypse.  
Jan Michael Vincent - XTRO 2
Mitch Pileggi - Murabunta: Killer Ants    
Steven Segal - Belly of the Beast
JCVD - In Hell
Ron Perlman - Primal Force
Burt Reynolds - Universal Soldier 2 (sans JCVD)
Lou Diamond Phillips, Lori Petty and Dale Midkiff - Route 666
C. Thomas Howell - Crimson Force (think low rent Mission to Mars/Red Planet, and a bad remake of War of the Worlds)
Richard Moll - Spiders 2
Mickey Rourke - They Crawl
M. Emmett Walsh - Monster
David Keith - Sabretooth, Epoch, Epoch 2, Locusts: The 8th Plague

 


 

 


October 12, 2017