WHO WE ARE AND WHY WE ARE TAKING UP THIS SPACE

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Few folks fully appreciate the concept "Viewing CRAP® So You Don't Have To!"  By definition this means that the more than capable (some might say less than restrained) staff at Tape Ape will see just about anything at the movies, the good (trailer, hype, plot, effects, acting), the bad (ditto, but you had a glimmer of hope) and the truly ugly (the signs were there but you chose to ignore them while falling to your horrible bloody death) and offer guidelines to forewarn and forearm you concerning your own viewing experience.  At the very least, the staff offers the admonishment, "Why didn't you listen!"

At Tape Ape we use a technically primitive means for viewing and reviewing CRAP (Cinematically Reviewable Artistic Productions).  The "CRAP-O-Meter"® by name, is set to stun in most cases.  The life it saves may be your own!

The CRAP-O-Meter® is a sliding scale for rating CRAP.  It is calibrated after every movie for your safety.  That very same sliding scale is used in posting reviews that help you to make informed choices to enhance your viewing experience.  Well, to at least make it less painful when you realize you've made a horrible mistake by paying full price.  You are not alone...Tape Ape is here to take the cinematic bullet!  And you guys better appreciate it!    

Some content may have a de ja vu-like quality. Well, nothing in this world is new and truly original ideas are few and far between.  The ideas, comments and information presented herein are gleaned, swirled about and presented by the staff of Tape Ape Enterprises in what we hope is an entertaining and informative manner.  If not, tough.

Tape Ape’s “Viewing CRAP® So You Don’t Have To” is a site dedicated to entertainment.  CRAP® being the acronym for Cinematically Reviewable Artistic Productions.  Sometimes the focus is narrow like a laser beam, other times it is spread as wide as a shot gun blast.

Our origins are humble.  Baby steps were taken in 1977 when the first home VCR weighing in at some 700 odd pounds sounded the siren’s call of movies at home.  The 80’s ushered in the era of the Laser Disc and the Ape's library grew by leaps and bounds.  In 1991 a huge video collection and a snide comment about restraint or the lack thereof collided.  Video tape and homo sapien mutated and spewed forth as Tape Ape, videophile extraordinaire.  Years passed as they often do, technologies changed.  1997 brought us the DVD.  Praise be to the video gods.  Tape Ape was caught in the throes of full blown “Cinemania.”

Giving in to the voices and being physically incapable of keeping one’s opinions to one’s self, Tape Ape offered up movie reviews to anyone who would listen.  Even to those who didn’t want to listen.  Someone suggested, yes, the same someone with the snide comment, start a web site, you have the rudimentary skills of an ape, you could do it.  Thus, Viewing CRAP® So You Don’t Have To became a speck in the cosmic ether and sadly some might say, a reality.  Tape Ape is here to help you.  We watch the movies that would kill lesser beings.  Taking the cinematic bullet for you is our specialty.  Check us out, see if we aren’t helpful.

We also present a desk top gallery of E-Vent cards for all seasons, reasons and temperaments.  E - electronic and Vent - spleen.  Check ‘em out.  You’ll laugh a little, recognize your great Aunt Sally or simply roll your eyes and mutter "oh jeez!" 

ABOUT THE STAFF: 
Our staff compiles reviews, piles being the operative around here, to inform those who just can’t help themselves at the movies.  If it’s CRAP we’ll be the first on the block to let you know.  We do have a few staff members with more cranial capacity to offer up book reviews and more.  We have a full time compiler of loosely coherent entertainment trivia.  The oddest things just pop into that one’s head!  Our "Maitre V" focuses on DVD releases, old, new, TV, whatever is out there. 

The staff is kept in a small room with soft white walls for our safety and yours.

Go bananas!  Following the CRAP-ers advice will only enhance your movie experience.  But if you're a wuss, cry to your mama and tell her you still can’t decide what to watch this weekend.  Be strong, go see a crappy movie.   It won’t kill you...ok, maybe it will kill you.

 

THE STAFF:

CHUCKLES:  Mastermind behind Tape Ape and Viewing Crap.  Overlord of Mayhem, Ring Master of the Circus and Team Leader for Life of Team Apeonaut.  You can contact Chuckles with all those annoying movie questions.  You know how.

 

   
GASPARD:  Web Monkey Literary Corner editor in chief.  Devours the written word and regurgitates reviews to amaze and confuse you.
      
   
GERTRUDE:  Clandestine Ops.  Our little video girilla will watch almost anything, anywhere, any time.  Always read her reviews with a grain of salt.  Well, maybe a whole shaker.
   
OTTO:  Our "Maitre V" checks out many things available on DVD.  Thumbnail reviews are provided on new releases and what's coming soon to DVD.  New Movie Tuesday, it is a disease!  Don't they make a cream for that. 
   
RUFUS CLYDE:  Trivial pursuer and dispenser of precious nuggets of useless entertainment information.  In charge of the "Brushes With Fame" series, contests and Keeper of the Nuts.  Mostly.
   
JR:  Publisher of the Desk Top Gallery. Dry wit, cynical scoundrel, hopeless romantic...well, just hopeless.
   
FEZ:  Shipping...Expediting
   
THE MYSTERY CONTRIBUTORS:  You know who you are.  You who offer comments, ideas, pictures and crayons.  Keep it up. 

 

   
AUTHOR EXTRAORDINAIRE:  Ernest Chimpingway.  You're familiar with his story.  Now read his latest crap by clicking NOT YETI BUT SOON
  CHECK OUT STAFF RECOMMENDATIONS
   
   

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May 19, 2012